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Unintentional mistakes leading to unhappiness

Vaishnavi

Posted on May 28, 2022

Do you feel misunderstood when you make a mistake which you did not intend to make?
The news is, we all do!
I know a friend of mine who kept ignoring red flags in her relationship in the quest of being hopeful. Little do we know that in the process of being hopeful sometimes we are just being “Toxic Positive” thinking that it will change and a miracle will lead to that change.


A change only takes place when a different choice is made and in this scenario, nothing as such is happening.
With the above context in mind, let’s understand how we can protect ourselves.
If you were told you are making some mistakes in your life unintentionally which is causing a lot of your mental peace, would you change that?
When we are the people who are not ready to cause any harm in other people’s lives, why would we want to cause harm to ourselves!
Here, in this article we discuss how the 3 unintentional mistakes which we are making, are causing unhappiness.

As we grow up, we are made to understand that adjustments are essential in relationships, be it romantic or non-romantic, with the fact that “Relationships are based on compromise”.
We keep changing and molding ourselves to be the ‘perfect fit’ in someone’s life, like the perfect son, perfect husband, perfect father and the list goes on. Here comes the question that if we are adjusting in relationships then how are we moving towards happiness?
Now we need to ask ourselves, what are the mistakes that we can stop making from our end.

Choice of Commitment
Do not misunderstand the word here. Commitment is definitely necessary in every relationship, but the fact who we are committing with matters. Not just a relationship once shared with a romantic partner, it can even be the relationship you have with your mother.
Entertaining a toxic person can cause a lot of harm to you. Infact relationships with such people will drain you all the more. You keep giving to the person, especially if he/she is a narcissist, and you only get demeaned or disrespected. This is an unintentional harm that you are constantly causing yourself just to have the relationship stand tall.
Let’s think of a conventional relationship with a friend. This friend is a childhood friend, he can be dominating you and asking you to adjust according to certain situations and since you both are friends for a very long time and only keeping that in mind, you keep going. You tell yourself, ‘it’s fine we are friends from childhood, he can tell me what to do’. But this is not only giving him power over your life, it is also unintentionally shaping you and your mental health.
When you see a situation similar to this, you have to now understand and make healthy boundaries for each other.


Taking the blame on yourself
Here comes toxic positivity again.A situation like this usually takes place in a relationship where one individual is an energy vampire and you find yourself constantly giving. You will often find yourself saying these lines in such a relationship
“Maybe I am asking for a lot, I don’t deserve this”
“I think I over reacted, I don’t have said so much” ,
“It won’t happen again, I think I pushed him/her”
If the statements above mentioned are recurrent in your relationship then it’s high time you introspect if this relationship is for your highest good or not. We land up in a place like this only if we lack self value and self awareness. Looking at a glass as half full is good. It shows your positive perspective towards life. But the half empty part does exist, you not looking at it will not change the fact. You can make amends in yourself, tbut when the problem is not you then how is this going to help? That is when you know you are dealing with toxicity from the outside and it can be moved away, by moving away from the person.

Compromise
As usual and normal it seems, but compromising in relationships, can shape up your world. Compromising at the stake of your happiness can cost you your mental health. Being mindful and having a good understanding of what you feel is right and wrong, can help you go a long way. A survey says that the reason for the majority of extra marital affairs is being in a state of compromise in the existing marriage. You suppress yourself and compromising will come back to you in a cycle once again. People usually living in a compromised state will find themselves with this statement “I feel anxious, I don’t know why?” The reason why you don’t know is you have tutored yourself to believe that you have to stay where you are because that is the best you can get, and for that you have to compromise. Always remember that the best thing that you have in your life will never make you feel that you are compromising. Infact, it should make you feel that this is easy and comfortable. Everytime, you feel uncomfortable, introspect where it’s coming from and make sure you get back to a place where you are comfortable and happy.

Building relationships right can only make the relationship longer, and healthier. Setting boundaries is not only going to help you but even your partner to reach a place of understanding . At the end of the day, what matters is both the relationship and you, in a healthy space. You should always remind yourself that you are only creating a ground to maintain personal values, for personal growth of both the people involved.
Crystals that can help you stop from making these mistakes
Kunzite – promotes self love and connection with your inner self. Hence you will do not do anything that make you feel disrespected

Citrine- To have the courage to speak your mind out
Pyrite – to take the necessary steps when you find yourself in such a situation
Green aventurine – if something like this has happened to you and left you scarred, this crystal will help you heal.

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Shweta & Vaishnavi

Posted on April 27, 2022

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